


Wounded wolf

by Chicasinmiedo



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/F, Fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:01:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23026696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chicasinmiedo/pseuds/Chicasinmiedo
Summary: After an argument with Joel, Ellie leaves Jackson County to clarify her ideas, which will cause all kinds of consequences and feelings.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie/Joel (The Last of Us)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	Wounded wolf

With the first stars lighting up the sky, she arrived the walls of Tommy’s community. When she saw the floodlights on the control towers, she sighed in relief. She spurred the mare to come closer.

The guards in their respective posts took a moment to recognize her. After giving a couple of orders and instructions on the radio, the huge iron gates in the southern area squeaked as it opened. The smell of meat roasted in the fire rose in the air and pierced the entrance, causing her stomach to growl anxiously. Unfortunately, she had more important matters to attend first.

The pain reminded her constantly.

Ellie knew the guards; she knew that, at least on their side, the news of her return would take longer to spread through the streets of the county. The rest of the discretion would depend on herself.

She directed the mare to the stables. The street lighting and the moon threw shadows on the wooden planks, making the horses look much larger than they were. However, when Ellie approached them, most slept or got nervous to see her.

The mare whinnied softly when Ellie loosened the webbing and released the saddle straps. She filled its trough with fresh hay and she let it rest.

“You’ve done very well today,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

She left the stables and headed home. It was strange because, on the one hand, she wished to arrive as soon as possible to the small cabin that was in the northeast wing of the community, but at the same time, she was delaying her way back, dragging her feet and taking the longest roads to reach up there.

From the great majority of the back porches, small columns of smoke towered, revealing the nocturnal barbecues that the families had organized. At a distant point, she perceived the chords of a guitar that accompanied the tranquility of the night. Someone had taken the trouble to place small pots with lavender, poppies and tulips on some facades and balconies. During those days it hadn’t rained, but the oil lanterns reflected its light on the dew drops.

Whether she liked it or not, sooner or later, she appeared in front of the old wooden door of the cabin with green facade worn and cracked.

Stealthy, entered the house. The living room lights were on. Ellie tempted luck.

“Joel?”

A complete silence answered her call.

She poked her head through the entrance to the living room, which was at the first door of the hallway, on the left. There was no sign of Joel, although it seemed that it hadn’t been long since he had left the cabin. The decoration was simple and rustic, creating a homely atmosphere. There was a sofa, two armchairs and a small round table. On the walls there were a series of paintings that showed several forested scenes and at different seasons of the year. But what stood out most about the rest was the small picture framed on the chimney. Joel and his daughter Sarah showed their best smile to the camera.

Hopefully she could have met Sarah, she must’ve been a very sweet girl to make Joel smile that way. When had been the last time she had seen him so happy since fate did cross their paths? Unable to remember a specific moment, she climbed the stairs that led to the upper floor.

Joel’s room was at the end of the hall, while hers was next to the stairs and the bathroom. She entered the toilet and closed the door. She examined her facial wounds in the mirror. Little was left of the girl she had been. If it wasn’t for her green eyes, she would think she was seeing another person staring back at her, watching her with a distant expression that contained a latent fury. She was stained with blood, both her own and someone else’s. She pressed carefully on the left cheekbone, swollen and with a slight purple color, making a face.

She lifted the fold of her red lumberjack shirt. The years after their integration into the community had provided her with hours of work, which included care of the stables and horses, repairs and maintenance in the turbines of the plant, as well as patrols and explorations around the county and constructions of new buildings. Even she had helped Joel set up a small orchard in the back of the garden. As she grew up, the result of her persistent physical exercise became more visible. She still had a slight build, but her arms were strong, her abdomen firm and her legs agile and stealthy now.

However, that didn’t mean that she was immune to the blows and tortures that came to everyone who entered the outside world: She had multiple bruises and wounds scattered on the skin, making a grotesque contrast with her freckles.

She undressed and went into the shower. The cold and refreshing water immediately fell on her bruised body. She sighed with relief. She closed her eyes and let the water wash her face and hair. Then the shoulders and back. She put her hands on the wall and lowered her head. A small part of the pain seemed to dilute and leave her body. At a moment when she came back to herself, she opened her eyes and watched, a little rapt, how the water in the shower formed a puddle that was dyed red and dirty earth.

A few minutes later she was already in her room, with fresh underwear and jeans and new converts from her closet. She also chose a black sports top for later, although she didn’t know what shirt she could wear. A small part of the wet hair picked it up in a bun and the rest let it dry itself.

In summer, she always left the window open, with the curtains swaying with each breeze of air. Many times she had been surprised watching them move. They transmitted peace to her, as if the world had stopped, keeping silent. Once again she found comfort near the window. A warm gust stroked her naked torso. She felt chills when the wind brushed her wounds.

Everything had happened very quickly.

Since they arrived at Tommy’s dam, she had done nothing but meet new people, and several of those people had their lives taken away, without her being able to do anything to avoid it: Some children became ill, but they didn’t have the necessary medications or specialized personnel to care for them; Many good men and women were robbed by bandits, or were devoured by a horde of infected.

It was assumed that, after she all had been through, everything that she had done, it couldn't be for nothing, that she was born to die for a greater cause.

But Joel made the decision for her, and there wasn’t going back.

The nightmares soon appeared. At first they were arbitrary, one or two per week. Then got worse and she had them almost every day. She woke up agitated, shivering under the sheets, covered in a cold sweat. In the midst of the darkness it didn’t matter if she closed her eyes or not. She saw again their empty faces of life: Tess, Sam, Riley… They told her they were still waiting for their turn to meet her again. She could remember the sound of their scratches at the door, screaming agonized from the other side. Many times she rethought don’t sleep as long as the dead didn’t torment her. On sleepless nights, her greatest ally was her guitar, with which she composed small songs about a beast that wandered through her dreams.

That same morning she had decided to discuss the issue with Joel.

“None of that is on you,” he said her. “These things,” he stroked his broken watch, “have always happened, humans do whatever it takes to survive.”

Ellie shook her head, desperate for guilt. She needed Joel to understand.

“All these people would still be alive. There would be no more hunger, no more clickers.”

“You don’t know that!” Joel retorted. “What if it hadn’t worked for anything? You would have died and the world would remain the same. And it will continue to be.”

That was when Ellie exploded.

“You hadn’t right! You should have let me die!”

She picked up her gun, hung her bow on her shoulder, picked up some food in her backpack and ran away. She heard Joel’s voice calling her screaming, more hurt than angry. She didn’t look back.

She crossed the busy streets of the dam. During the summer, work activities and daily life began early in the morning, before dawn, to take advantage of the cooler hours and rest during the time when the sun loomed from the sky.

She passed through the crowd. The neighbors were wondered what the hurry was for. Some believed that the bandits were attacking them again or a group of infected had been sighted near the zone.

She left the stables mounted on her mare and entered the forest galloping. She rode south, leaving the course of the river on her left. She made the mare move away as quickly as possible from there, until she left the one she considered her home far away, leaving no trace.

There were rare cases in which a citizen decided to leave the county because he preferred a life alone, or he was just passing through until he continued on his way. Tommy, even though it broke the scheme of his united community, understood their situation, and he couldn’t force them to stay.

Deep down and over time, Ellie was understanding that lifestyle. Of course, her stay in Jackson was still better than Boston’s, but it still had walls. Riding gave her the freedom to clarify her ideas and disconnect from her problems.

When they distanced themselves enough, she slowed down and went to the pass. Despite the noise of the water running with unstoppable momentum through its channel, she could hear, or rather feel, the animal snorting repeatedly.

It was a beautiful specimen, light brown and well brushed mane. Its speed was compared to its loyalty to Ellie, although it felt a great fear of shooting, fire and the infected. She couldn’t rebuke it.

She had baptized it with the name of Rain. She was told that, when it was little more than a foal, it liked to turn in the mud on rainy days. Washing it afterwards was almost useless because, no matter if left it in its stable, it found a way to open the door again and continue in the rain. Ellie found the anecdote so funny that the name was decided.

She patted its muscular neck.

“Good girl.”

At noon they stopped to rest and eat. Ellie sat among the roots of an oak tree, under the shelter of its shadow, while Rain was grazing near there. She read Anna’s letter for the umpteenth time. Whenever she didn’t find enough comfort with Joel, she got it in her mother’s memory.

She read it very slowly, trying to imagine what her voice would be like, what she would look like… Was it possible to miss someone who had not met? Ellie thought so.

“Find something to live for,” she read aloud. “Make me proud.”

In the last syllable her voice broke. She detested crying. She must have been strong. She would protect as many as she could... at any cost. She wouldn’t fail anyone else.

She was surprised by Rain, who snorted over her head and kissed her hair. Ellie put an arm under the animal and hugged it.

“I know, girl.”

A small breeze raised whispers among the leaves of fir trees. The vegetation around them, ferns, wheat and wild berries, formed beautiful waves. In the branches of the trees, in the distance, she sensed the sound of a woodpecker busy with its nest. A few meters away she saw a mom boar with its little ones, always alert and close to them. Among the trees a young deer called a possible couple.

Rain rummaged with its snout inside Ellie’s backpack. The excess of confidence on the part of the animal tore a smile to the girl.

“What are you looking for, spoiled miss?”

Ellie knew the answer beforehand. As she could, she retrieved her backpack and took out two apples. They weren’t entirely fresh, but Rain showed no signs of demand. She cut one in half with her switchblade and offered a part to her mare. The animal sunk its teeth with a slight cheerful whinny.

“You’re welcome, miss,” Ellie laughed.

They resumed the march shortly after. They continued trotting along the river path. A few miles later, it opened into a torrent that connected with another tributary. The only option to cross the small canyon had been a bridge, but now only its rests of iron remained, hoping that the current would also take them away.

They turned south-west, taking a shortcut down a slope. When they reached the boundaries of the dam’s territory, Ellie pulled the reins. The sun indicated an hour close to the afternoon, and she only thought of continuing. Beyond it was unknown terrain, at least for her. She looked back, rearranging all the way they had traveled. They could still explore a little more, she told herself, then they would return before nightfall and she talk to Joel.

The plateau began to pronounce its altitude, but her mare was able to overcome any obstacle that interposed. They advanced crosscountry, crossed small streams and discovered abandoned cars and old highways taken by nature.

Above the treetops, a squawking, haughty and proud, crossed the area. Ellie looked up and watched, amazed, an eagle furrowing the skies.

Rain seemed to read her thoughts. A sensation of vertigo grew in her stomach as the mare increased speed, lifting fallen leaves and dust in its path.

She had lost track of time. By then both she and the mare were damp with sweat. They had reached a hill. Several trees crowned its top. Hundreds of miles away, the mountain range continued to stretch. Under their feet a valley was making its way, and in a particular area of the plain, in the middle of the forest, there was what looked like an abandoned building surrounded by tons of scrap metal.

Another more sensible person would have turned around, but instinct told Ellie to come closer, she had a hunch. She tied Rain’s reins to the lowest branches of a tree, promising that she would return soon and down the hillside.

She approached the mountain of scrap metal and discovered that she had entered a scrapping car. The place seemed to have been active long before the outbreak began. Most cars were stacked on columns rusted by time. Soon she was aware that she wasn’t alone: a group of hunters had set up a small camp in the center of the compounds. Everyone wore tattered and dirty clothes, and worse, they were armed. There were too many for one person to take care of. The best thing would have been to turn around and alert the county. But something caught her attention. While some of them stood guard, others, cooking rabbit on a bonfire, talked about the latest preparations to attack “those idiots at the dam”.

Her heart hit her hard inside her chest. Instinctively, she brought a hand to the gun behind her waist. She didn't have many bullets, she would only use it in case of an emergency. She also had her bow and several arrows in her backpack but, would that be enough? After examining the position of the group again, the most convenient thing was to take care of the lookouts first and then surround the rest by the flanks. She hated to recognize it, but in her situation it was almost impossible for her to get out alive if she faced them.

She was about to turn around and get out of there... when she felt the cold smile of a penknife in her neck.

“Still, little shit,” a man growled, “or I’ll feed you to the infected.”

Ellie clenched her jaw, but listened to the hunter. She raised her hands without making sudden movements, and had to let himself be dragged to the camp.

“Hey, look everybody!” The man shouted triumphantly. “Look what I found snooping through the trash.”

The others gathered around them, cursing and laughing. The man continued to harass her and made her kneel when everyone reunited near the campfire. As soon as she was unable, the gun, bow and backpack were removed. They crossed her arms behind her back and grabbed her shoulders.

A middle-aged man, who was to be the leader, made his way among his companions. He had left a beard for several days and the sun had burned his skin. What stood out the most about that dude was that he was the only one who didn’t carry any weapons.

“Who you are? Where you come from?”

“Fuck you,” Ellie said simply.

The man wasted no time. He punched her in the face. He hadn’t used all his strength; It was a warning.

“You see, my boys and I have been sent to spy on a community where we suspect there is a lot of supplies and food. It would be very useful for you to help us.”

Ellie had realized the scorched rabbit and the empty beer bottles.

“I think you are already served.”

The second blow wasn’t so clemency; The leader shook his hand.

“There is nothing in several miles around,” he continued, walking around her. “Are you from the dam?”

Ellie didn’t answer. She followed his gaze without blinking. The man got the message. He gestured and those who held her stepped back.

This time it was a chain of continuous blows on the face and ribs. Her head was spinning and there came a time when she couldn’t remain on her knees. Her face fell against the ground, contracted and contorted with pain.

There was a murmur of laughter. Those with guns had ceased to pointing at her. She didn’t pose a threat to them. She looked out of the corner of her eye where her things were. In addition to the leader and the man with the penknife, there was a bandit armed with an iron lever. On one shoulder he carried her bow, and on the other, her backpack. A smaller guy, in a worn yellow cap, examined her gun thoroughly, as if it were the first time in a long time that he didn’t see such a clean and well-groomed thing. He got rid of his splintered wood plank. Beside him, another one with a weasel face, sitting on the hood of a car, was holding a shotgun on his lap. The last member of the band was the quietest. He was a big boy with a baseball bat, topped with iron spikes at the end.

Luckily, none of them had considered looking under her clothes: A pocket knife was easier to hide.

“I could do this all day,” assured her captor.

Ellie glared at him. In the same tone, she said:

“Me too.”

The man found the answer funny, or perhaps he was imagining what other methods of torture he could use later.

“Where is your boyfriend?”

Ellie should have bitten her tongue.

“And yours?” She knew that some men didn’t consent to questioning their ‘virility’. This time the man buckled down and kicked her in the stomach.

The leader crouched beside her and forced her to look him straight in the eye, grabbing her scalp and raising her head. She swallowed a groan, and she could see, pleased, how the man had been disappointed by her reaction. It was enough to act: In a quick movement she took the blade from her switchblade and sank it into the hunter’s jugular, killing him almost instantly.

Instinctively the others who were nearby backed away, struck by the daze, unable to move. If she had taken a second longer to react, Ellie would have been riddled right there. But she pulled away, with the adrenaline running through her veins.

The scream of another assailant broke the moment of confusion of his companions:

“She killed Jason! Finish her!”

The bandits raised their weapons again, barrels pointed at Ellie. There was no time to think. In a desperate attempt to save her life, she slipped behind the shell of a car, before the first bullets whistled, inches from her head.

“C’mon! Spread out and kill her!”

That place was like a huge maze. There were several sections of aisles made up of stacked cars, tons of accumulated junk and columns of vehicles placed meaningless.

The building she had seen from the hill turned out to be a workshop. She entered and left the door behind her. Pressing hard on the surface, she searched every corner for any object that would serve as a weapon. The air inside was concentrated with mold and gasoline in equal parts. There were several dust-covered stainless steel shelves, a car that had seen better days and oil stains on the floor. At the other end of the room was an automatic door the size of a car, but she didn’t think it was possible for anyone to get in there, at least quickly. Her only chance to get out of there could be found on the upper floor. She tried to calm her breathing and sharpened her ear. She could hear a group of footsteps surrounding the building. She stopped wasting more time. She climbed the steps of the stairs that led to the first floor three at a time and opened the door citing “Authorized Personnel Only” with a push. She had arrived at an office. Lockers, papers, a desk... Nothing to help her.

Behind the desk was a window. She rubbed in circles the yellowish glass with one hand and glanced outside. She only saw more columns of crushed cars and no sign of the assailants. But they were there. The calm before the storm. Fortunately, just below the window was a plated roof that, probably, surrounded the entire side of the facade.

She heard footsteps on the ground floor. When had they entered?!

“Look around the car,” he heard one say. “I will look up.”

She quickly scanned the office for a tool to force the window. The only thing new in what she hadn’t noticed before was at a ticket office that was next to the door. She didn’t think twice.

Her own beats deafened her in such a small space. She waited patiently, observing the vertical line that formed the ajar door of the box office. The bandit with the iron lever entered, his shadow was cast on the door from where she was hiding. But he was on his back. Quick and stealthy, she left the box office, covered his mouth and stabbed him in the neck. The man growled and struggled in pain. Ellie sank the switchblade once more, and the lever slipped from between the bandit’s fingers.

“There is nothing here. Have you found anything?” They said from below. She hurried to retrieve her bow, her backpack and also hoped that the weapon of the recent body would be useful. “Did you hear me, you idiot piece?”

She placed the end of the lever in the window frame and exerted force. A few seconds later she was able to open it enough to exit through a small space. She calculated every step she took on the roof. It was slightly inclined, so she moved as close as possible to the outer wall, muffling the noise of the soles against the metal.

Between the roof and the firm ground there was a separation of about three or four meters. She was used to jumping from those heights, but she couldn’t give away her position without knowing where the enemy group was. She came this close to slip when she saw the guy in the yellow cap crossing next to a school bus. He focused the view in the direction of the workshop, maybe the automatic door, but didn’t move from there. It was a matter of time that he turned his gaze to the corner of the building and discovered her. She took her bow, aimed straining an arrow and the cap took on a new color.

The others didn’t seem to have noticed another casualty. A few meters later she found an escape route: The pipe of a drain.

As she suspected, the companion who had entered with the lever bandit soon sound the alarm:

“Shit, fuck!” His screams came out the window. Ellie didn’t stop. She hurried down clinging to the drain. “She has kill him! That brat has also killed Dick!”

A few meters from the ground she come loose and crouched in the nearest car. She heard screams in the distance, spouting curses and orders. Those who were alive began to get impatient, claiming revenge with the payment of her blood.

The bus wasn’t far, there was only a separation of about fifteen steps. She crawl under the cars and began to move forward. The closer she got to retrieve her gun, her clothes more got dirty with dust and grease. Nor was it something that mattered to her.

Then she found a blood groove, she was close. The one that had become the favorite weapon of the bandit in the yellow cap was waiting for her beside his inert body. The urgency caused Ellie to extend her arm to reach it. But someone kicked it away and an arm with a dizzying force pulled her out of hiding.

“She’s here! She’s…!”

Ellie was shut him up with a punch. She grabbed the man’s wrist with both hands, clenching her teeth, preventing the bladed weapon from getting closer to her face. The penknife blade trembled a few millimeters from her eyes. She refused to desist: She kneeled him in the stomach. The bandit backed away with a groan. She felt around her, picked up an object with a thin and cold surface, and hit him fully in the temple. The bottle broke instantly on his face, sending him sprawling to the floor. She didn’t think he was dead, but she didn’t have time to find out.

“Daughter of…!”

She heard more steps and the click of a shotgun when reloading behind her. The situation was getting complicated. She picked up her gun and took cover behind the front bumper of the bus. The rearview mirror burst into a thousand pieces. The bandit giggled.

“This is how your face will look!” Shouted the weasel’s face.

Ellie checked how many bullets she had left; That arsehole in the cap had spent more than half of the magazine during the shooting. She would have to improvise with what she had. She reloaded the gun and slipped off the other side of the vehicle. A direct attack would be useless, she had to strike him down in another way.

She jumped over an SUV. Hidden, she studied the options that the bandit could take while searching for her. He had reached a crossroads where two corridors were connected in parallel. Apparently, he wasn’t as stupid as she had initially believed: If she decided to attack now he would see her approach in all four directions.

She hadn’t even thought about using the bow. She hadn’t angle for a good trajectory, risking failure and wasting her element of surprise. She knew what was best. Again under the cars, she crawled moving in the direction of her target, lightly pressing the index finger on the trigger.

“Where have you been?” The man scoffed. “As soon as I see you I will blow your head!”

Ellie slipped to the waist outside the car, pointing from below. She emptied the rest of the magazine in the man’s chest: two in the abdomen and another in the torso. He fell into his own pool of blood and convulsed until he stopped moving.

Ellie stood up and put the gun away. She looked at the body, thoughtfully. There was too much calm for her taste. As she recalled, there were six men in the camp and she had killed five.

And where the hell had the big boy with a…?

CRACK!

At the last moment she could dodge the blow aimed at her head; The door of an old car wasn’t so lucky. The boy quickly regained his composure, revealing a huge metal dent and the remains of the window pane scattered on the floor.

The man barked:

“Do you kill my friends and pretend to get out of here alive? How dare you?!”

He didn’t give her an alibi to attack. He was superior in body weight and would use that advantage to wear down her or kill her as soon as he had a chance.

Ellie was forced to retreat before the mountain of meat, the iron lever prepared for what was coming: The bat went in the direction of her side, with a quick leap backwards dodged it again. But the bandit, despite his size, was also agile in his movements. He wielded his gun with his arms raised and, blinded by anger, lowered them to Ellie. She had read his intentions before a sudden dodge and had enough time to firmly plant her feet on the ground and tighten her arms with the iron lever.

The impact of the blow spread throughout her body, almost making her faint with pain. She blocked two more attacks and the third her vision clouded.

The gorilla’s fingers, ruthless, closed around her neck and threw her into the air. The fall of a few meters left her breathless. The lever had slid across the floor, far from her reach. The big boy charged against her, bat high, ready to strike the final blow.

Ellie, still on the ground, backed up flexing her legs and poked around in search of her bow. She raised an arm to take an arrow from her backpack and tightened the rope, forcing herself to ignore her stiff muscles and focus her vision. The first projectile hit his chest and made him stop dead, interrupting his war cry. The second and last arrow hit him right in the heart. Blood spread through his dirty shirt, turned his eyes and before he fell to the ground he was already dead.

Panting, Ellie leaned her back on the wheel of a car. She had reached her limit. Her breath was choking when she breathed, her stiff hands trembled, blood fell tortuously from her face. She could afford a minute of rest. However, the presence of someone approaching put her on alert again. Perplexed, she observed the bandit who had discovered her entering the vehicle depot. He was painfully approaching her, limping and with an ugly wound next to his face.

“We’re finished, but what about you? The rest of our group will find us and avenge us. Or maybe you kill them all too. But there will always be someone who manages to reach you. Will meet those you care about and will torture them to death.” He taught a row of bloody teeth. “All of that will on you”.

What happened next, not even she could explain later. A throaty scream arose from her throat, more like an animal than a human being, and pounced on the man, who she knocked him down and held him under her body. The unfortunate hadn’t time to react but astonishment before the blows began. Ellie turned her knuckles white and lowered her fists straight to his face. One, another, and another, and another again, until everything were soaked red and it began to hurt too much.

She dropped to the side. A clear sky and an intense blue surrounded her completely. Her overwhelmed lungs searched for air, hungry for oxygen. She remembered that she wasn’t yet out of danger and forced herself to get up. She dug her nails into the floor and with a terrible effort she straightened. She left the car cemetery, now also being that bandit’s group.

She didn’t bother to inspect the bodies for supplies and ammunition. The fury of the confrontation was gradually abandoning her body, and if she didn’t act quickly, soon her survival instinct would fall on her, it would exhaust her completely, and run the risk of falling flat, or worse, not having enough strength if she should deal with more dangerous creatures than assailants and murderers.

Stumbling and and stooped, she gathered the energies she had left to climb the hill. The slope was steeper, and the backpack, heavier than she remembered. She saved the expletives for herself.

Rain continued to wait for her among the trees at the top. When it saw her, the animal began to act nervous, as if she were a stranger who hid bad intentions. Trying to reach out a hand to reassure it, the mare caught the smell of iron and death, and bucked and struggled with its reins in the middle of scary neighs.

Ellie’s heart shrunk. Her appearance must have been terrible for her mare didn't to recognize her. Maybe that was the same feeling the last hunter suffered before she lashed out at him. She didn’t want to think about that anymore.

Time was running out. The sun would soon hide behind the mountains. The sky was beginning to turn orange.

“Hey, little girl,” she said in a voice. “It’s me. Ellie.” The mare watched her with caution; At least, she had caught its attention. “Shh, shh. That’s it, easy,” she whispered softly. Seeing it more willing, Ellie held out a hand again and the animal let her was caressed its snout. Its expression relaxed. “You are better? Listen. We have to go back, okay? We have to go back... home.”

She kissed it between the eyes and climbed into her saddle, hoping she could resist all the way back without losing consciousness. She concentrated on remembering the first time she entered Jackson County, the cold wind in the fall season, the laughter of children playing in the snow, the peaceful sound of a campfire, guitar lessons with Joel, the Dina’s beautiful face... For all this she would endure a little more. Just a little more.

And the rest was history. Leaning against the window of her room, she kept wondering how she was still standing. She wasn’t afraid of pain, at least, the physical. But sometimes she took a while before starting to heal her wounds: She would resist everything until she put on the last bandage, without screaming or growling. With any luck she would sleep all night because of fatigue, despite the dull pain that would accompany her the following days. Then everything would return to normal. She couldn’t allow Joel start asking questions, or Tommy, or... she...

She didn’t know what her present relationship with Dina was. They met shortly after settling in Jackson and since then they were very good friends.

It was several years until she realized what she felt for Dina. For a while she refused to believe it. Few people had come so close to her heart. Riley had been one of them. After her death she was lifting a barrier, which she believed impenetrable, until Dina arrived, and began to see cracks in the wall she had created. When she finally accepted what was happening, she was very excited, and also scared, but one day she would gather the courage to tell her best friend.

All her hopes were shattered when she officially began dating Jesse, another of her friends and with whom Ellie used to coincide on most of her patrol days. Deep down, she had seen the blow of truth hovering over her: She couldn’t ignore Dina’s smile as she crossed a glance with Jesse, she couldn’t ignore Dina’s interest in wanting to know more about the boy, she couldn’t ignore that Dina was talking always about him...

And, yet, as much as it hurt her, Ellie hadn’t right to interfere between them. She would remain her friend and appreciate all the moments they would continue to share. The months went by and the pain subsided inside, in a suffocating silence, when Dina personally told her that she was done with Jesse. She gave no further details, and Ellie almost felt selfish.

But the voice of reason reminded her that she was still her best friend. And besides, how could she have a chance with someone like Dina? She was just... a girl...

It wasn’t until the dance of a few weeks ago that all her expectations changed. A party had been organized in the old county church. Ellie, at the request of her friend, came reluctantly. She dedicated to observe from the bar how everyone enjoyed the evening, without worries, smiling. Then she saw Dina, took her to the dance floor. And then... Then...

She had imagined many times what it would be like to kiss Dina, in countless scenarios and possible circumstances. Sharing a kiss with her was much better than in any of her dreams, so much so that, she thought she hadn’t woken up yet. And when she smiled back her, in her mind she took the oath to protect her to her last breath if necessary.

And that was what she did.

Bleeding her heart, she pulled away from her arms and left. Away from noise, people and Dina.

What hurt her most to remember was her expression, halfway between disappointment and affliction. But she was firm in her decision. She couldn’t allow it to be repeated again. Not again. Dina wouldn’t become one of those things. She wouldn't.

After that night, she did everything possible don’t meet Dina, and when she hadn’t choice, she exchanged a couple of words with her, without looking at her face, and quickly slipped away. She was doing correct... right?

She shook the thoughts of her mind. She had had enough ordeal for a day.

She took out the health kit he kept under the bed. She sat down slowly at the desk and began to take out what she needed to clean and disinfect cuts. Then a roll of sterile bandages and scissors. Willing everything, she looked up in front of the mirror to study her bruises again... but what she saw froze her blood.

At first she hadn’t seen her. She thought thought it was her imagination, a lot of clothes in a corner would be playing tricks on her. But there she was, staring at her eyes in the reflection and then diverting the view to her body, her face pale.

“No, no, no,” Ellie thought, hysterically. “Everyone but her. Anyone but her!” She felt like screaming and running away from there, getting lost in the forest and never to be seen again.

Fast as a bullet’s flash, ignoring the sudden pain of her body, grabbed the shirt she had worn, or what was left of it, to cover her chest.

“What…? What are you doing here?” she babbling. The words choked in her throat. “How did you get in?”

Dina seemed to come back to herself. She cleared her voice, staring at some point on the floor. That night she wore a white tank top, with short jeans and sandals. Dark hair had it in her usual bun, except for two undulating strands, one on each side of her ears.

Dina picked up what looked like a book she carried.

“I was coming to give you this back, your Savage Starlight comic,” she replied; “I knocked on the door, but nobody answered. It wasn’t locked, so I entered a moment.”

Damn them Dina, Dr. Daniela Star and Joel.

But above all she blamed herself. She threw back her hair, circling around the room. It had to be a nightmare.

“Why did you come now? You could have waited until tomorrow.”

“I know about your fight with Joel and I have come to see you as soon as I know you were back. I wanted to see how you are.”

“I’m fine,” she replied bluntly.

Dina frowned.

“Is that what you call be fine?” She pointed with her chin, defiantly, apparently recovered from the initial shock. Dina hated being lied to, especially when the truth was in front of her and the others didn’t deign to recognize it. “Ellie,” she replied, emphasizing an eyebrow. She said very slowly: “You aren’t fine.”

Given the situation, Dina was able to understand that she needed to adopt a calmer temper.

She took a step.

“Let me see you.”

Ellie took another step back.

“No!” said. The nerves began to overwhelm her. She made a great effort to speak calmly. “It’s... it’s nothing, really. Just a few scratches.”

“A few scratches?” Dina said, almost offended. “I have seen many wounds throughout my life and I know that those aren’t ‘a few scratches’, Ellie; I won't leave until I know you’re okay.”

The weight of her gaze was difficult for Ellie to maintain. She was taller, but at that moment she felt so, so small. She didn’t want Dina to see her in such a vulnerable state... or believe she was... a monster. It was said that beasts in their most difficult moments were more dangerous.

She lowered her shoulders, defeated. She couldn’t refuse. She dropped into the chair. Dina interpreted that she could approach. She sat on the edge of the bed and, taking a cotton ball with alcohol, lifted Ellie's chin toward the light of the lamp. Dina watched her bruise, contemptuously.

“You’re fucked-up,” she murmured. She carefully pulled the cotton to her cheekbone and felt the swollen area. The air was concentrated for a moment of smell of alcohol. Both wrinkled their nose.

Dina was too close for Ellie’s mental health. She looked at her as if it were the first time she was seeing her, and at the same time, as if she hadn't done it in years. In other circumstances, she would have said herself thought she was beautiful. If Dina noticed Ellie’s gaze on her at some point, she don’t gave indication of noticing.

“Hands,” said her provisional nurse.

Ellie prayed that her hands wouldn’t shake so much. She extended one while the other still held the shirt over her chest. Her knuckles were raw, satiated with the blood of that last fucker. Dina shook her head and continued her work.

She must admit that Dina had a great ability to heal wounds. She examined them carefully, frowned and didn’t open her mouth until she was satisfied with her work. Her hands were as soft as she remembered, unlike hers, that they were calloused; Ellie showed the other when she asked.

“The other,” Dina made an exception and broke the silence when she attended the remaining knuckles, “How has he look?”

Ellie hadn’t asked herself at any time. Maybe he would be unconscious for a couple of hours or maybe he was dead.

“I don't know,” she admitted, “But I gave more than I received.” A second after saying it, she knew she had made a mistake.

“How nice.” Dina pressed harder than she should on the last fingers. “You must be very proud.”

Ellie forced herself don’t to move her hand away, as if she had just touched a boiling pan. She almost swore to have seen a slight expression of repentance in Dina’s eyes. Ellie distinguished her as synonymous with fun, laughter and jokes, and knowing that serious and worried facet of Dina was disconcerting for her.

“The back.”

“What?”

“You've heard me. Let’s cure that disaster.”

“Dina…”

“I won't repeat it, Willians.”

Ellie faced Dina. Their faces were centimeters away. She had to gather all the willpower don’t unleash the fury that contained her eyes, otherwise... Dina’s dark eyes were hard to decipher. They stood firm on hers, but who knew what was behind that boldness. Maybe deep down she was scaring her.

She let out a long sigh, the fingers were still among hers. Slowly, feeling her muscles throb with each movement, she turned and showed Dina her back.

The girl behind her stifled an exclamation.

In the light of the desk lamp she could feel her recent wounds. Judging by the pain, she must have a horrendous bruise in the area on the right, under the armpit, and a few cuts extended by the trapezius and dorsal. Also, to Ellie’s fear and Dina’s amazement, the light source highlighted the faint lines and marks of ancient scars. She moved awkwardly; Dina was the first person to see them: She had an arrow wound on her right shoulder. She was lucky that the projectile entered cleanly, without piercing the bone or an artery; several ferrous scratches of infected and biting wild dogs had engraved her side.

What she would never recognize, however, was that the pain woke up frequently under the scars, as if the wounds had opened again.

Dina outlined them one by one with her index finger, sowing caresses in each pore. Despite her curious nature, she didn’t ask about the reason for each wound. Anyway, Ellie was unable to speak now. She had left her throat dry.

Her friend dipped a cloth in alcohol and brought it to her skin, but she backed away at the last moment. She sensed her hands were shaking.

Ellie understood it too well. There was a big difference between healing yourself and a loved one. The memories led her to that cold winter that she had to treat Joel's horrible wound, take care of him, and, when she didn’t, she hunted on her own for both of them. It had been a long time since that experience, but in return it made her mature even more for her age.

Dina returned her to the present. In her reflection she saw that she was trying to relax. She counted once, twice that she breathed deeply. When she opened her eyes, they shone with determination. Ellie felt a surge of pride grow inside her.

“Maybe it stings you a little,” Dina warned.

Ellie said nothing. She clung to the back of the chair and let Dina do her job. On several occasions she clenched her jaw and scratched her palms to form a fist. But she didn’t hiss and avoided as far as possible to keep the body tense. The last thing she wanted was to make Dina believe that she wasn’t doing well.

After cleaning and disinfecting, Dina used the sterile bandage to cover the most severe cuts and wounds. After a few minutes she had finished treating Ellie. With Dina’s petition fulfilled, she would approve her wounds and go home, she wouldn’t have to give her any more explications. They would distance themselves again in order to protect her.

She couldn’t be more wrong.

Ellie jumped when Dina’s warm hands circled her waist. She closed her eyes. She held her breath, tried to sort her thoughts. But Dina sank the bridge of her nose on her back, where she had received so many blows and mistreatment, but never a kiss, until now. She was brief and concise kissing each exposed scar one by one. And Ellie couldn’t find a way to tell her to stop. Was that what she really wished?

“Sometimes I feel like I don't know you at all,” Dina whispered, as if in a trance state, “as if you were a mystery to me.”

Ellie released all the contained air, exasperated.

“You don't understand,” she replied. “That man talked about finding you. Then he would torture you and kill you. And I would see everything, without being able to do anything!”

“And you forget that I have very good shot.”

She was right. A rifle in Dina’s hands was a fearsome weapon. She was able to shoot any enemy and correct the trajectory of the next bullet, regardless of distance, wind force or air humidity: The worst nightmare come true for the most desperate survivors and the most dangerous infected.

But Ellie didn’t give an arm to twist. She wasn’t willing to take a chance. A mistake. One mistake and she would lose everything again.

She couldn’t longer hide her trembling. Guilt, helplessness, hate... They came back to life within her, pressing her chest, threatening to completely drown her mind.

She didn’t know if Dina could have any idea what was going on inside her, but she hugged her tightly and affectionately. She had become her lifeguard.

“You act as if the survival of humanity falls on your shoulders.”

A little more relaxed, Ellie slid a hand through the ferns of her tattoo, in black and bright ink, until she lay it on the little moth. There where she hid her deepest scar.

 _If you knew…_ She thought regretfully.

She owed an explication to Dina, but it was difficult even for her to know exactly what was happening to her. She looked up and there she was again. A tormented soul, who didn’t say what she would have to say, who didn’t love who she would have to love and didn’t die when he would have to die.

“I’ve had a recurring dream these weeks,” she began. “I dream of a wolf, or that I am the wolf... I’m don’t sure. I go through the forest, looking for something. I don’t know what it is. And every time I go faster, I run through the trees…” She silent for a moment. Dina had remained very still. “Until I found a man with a rifle. He was waiting for me too. I pounce on him and… a shot is heard, above the howls of the man and mine.”

Her words floated in the air. Ellie watched every movement of Dina, letting her get closer more to her body. She found a comfortable and intimate place behind Ellie’s ear. Her breath tickled her when she spoke.

“Do you think you’re the only one who is scared to end up alone? How do you think Joel would feel? How do you think... I would feel if I lost you?”

On rare occasions she had witnessed restlessness in Dina. One of the things she liked most about her was her bravery. She was able to lift the morale of an expedition group lost in a snowstorm or organize an entire team in the midst of an ambush.

She took responsibility in the most pressing moments. Already the danger passed, they standing aside or being alone, she recognized to her that she had never stopped being afraid, but that was what she had to do.

But Ellie would never have been prepared for what Dina confessed to her that night, completely crumbled her:

“You terrify me too, Ellie” she whispered. “I am terrified of what might happen to you.”

Hopefully she had found an answer to Dina’s words. What was she supposed to say? How was one supposed to fight a blow as devastating as the fear printed on the girl she loved? She was weary. Weary of repressing what she felt.

Dina backed away to get up, and she felt empty. She tore her inside.

“I leave you alone for a while. See you in the morning.” She was already in the door frame. Something in the tone of her voice, resembling sadness, made her react.

 _Find something to live for_.

“Dina,” she called her.

Before she was aware of what she was doing, she walked towards her, without shame, even though she saw her naked torso, and, with great delicacy, surrounded her waist, caressed her cheek and kissed her.

She had taken Dina by surprise, but she reacted quickly and corresponded her. At first it was a shy kiss. Ellie rested her hands around Dina’s waist, and she put her arms around the wider shoulders. When they broke the first kiss, they half-opened their eyes, with their foreheads glued and their noses side by side. Both awaited the approval of the other to continue. With a silent agreement, they resumed the kiss. This time Dina directed the rhythm, her hands sank into reddish brown hair, and Ellie, following her partner, slowly raised her hands, stroking her back and bringing their bodies closer more. Dina presented her with a sigh of pleasure on her lips. It was then that tongues met, wanting to recall their touch in a sweet dance.

Ellie forgot everything that had nothing to do with Dina. At some point the pain in her muscles had mitigated and her scars eased. The burden of responsibility she carried on her shoulders became lighter; She had filled her with peace. She felt under the skin the notes of the guitar that interpreted the song “Ecstasy” by Crooked Still, which made her float, and with Dina in her arms, she thought she was flying. She was... happy.

Her cheeks suddenly wet. Dina stopped dead, with a worried expression.

“Ellie, what’s wrong?” She took her cheeks.

And then she noted that she was crying again. Ellie hurried away the tears. A lump in her throat was preventing her from speaking clearly.

“In recent weeks I’ve behaved like an idiot with you... and now you’re here… and there’s you and me…

“No, no, Ellie,” she stroked her freckles on her face with her thumb, “that doesn't matter anymore.” She shut up for a moment, her eyes widened. “How long have you been holding back?”

“...Too long.”

“That is cruel even to you. Just... let it go.”

Ellie was aware at the time that it was what she had most needed to hear. She just got carried away. She hugged her tightly, believing that if she let her go, she would lose her forever. However, Dina didn’t depart. Her face took refuge in the hollow of her neck. Dina let her take everything she had inside, waiting patiently until she calmed down. She stroked her hair and whispered warm, comforting words in her ear. Shortly after her chest stopped shaking and her crying ceased.

Her friend asked if she was better. She nodded and sipped her nose. Dina pushed her last tears away and kissed her cheek, right on her bruise.

“Now we’re going to find you new clothes.”

Dina searched her closet for something worthy of her criterion. Some hangers passed indifferently before her and others seemed more interesting. That Ellie looked good had taken it as a personal issue. Dina would never stop surprising her.

“Ripped and bloodstained clothes went out of fashion a long time ago,” she commented, approaching her again. “This will fit you much better.”

The girl had opted for a white short-sleeved shirt, which fitted her body, under a denim shirt with intentionally undone sleeves. Ellie couldn’t suppress a faint smile, it was one of her favorite styles.

Her friend circled around her as she dressed again. Thoughtful, she stroked her chin.

“How about it?” Ellie extended her arms in front of her.

“Hmm... There is still something missing...”

After a moment of reflection, Dina said:

“Well, I may don’t always be there to help you if you get hurt, so...”

She took off Hamsa’s bracelet around her wrist and offered it to Ellie. She was skeptical of all religions and kinds of beliefs, but she knew very well the meaning of that silver hand with a blue eye. She had lost count of the times Dina had told her the origin of her ancestors, but she would never forget the emotion of her voice when recounting it.

“A symbol of protection,” Ellie recalled. “But... Dina, it’s very important to you. Are you sure you want to give it to me?”

Dina flashed another smile.

“Of course! So wherever you go you will have a little piece of me. It won’t be a very intimidating weapon, but every time you see it you will remember where to return.”

She would never find enough words to thank everything Dina had done for her. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I love you,” she whispered to her.

The girl threw her head back to let out a laugh. That was the Dina she knew. Hearing her laugh was a pleasant feeling.

“What are you talking about?” she said. “Everybody loves me.”

Ellie camouflaged her sudden shyness by infecting Dina’s laugh, though in a more discreet way.

“You know… what I mean…”

“Yeah, wolf. I think so…”

She leaned down to kiss her. It was a shorter kiss than the previous one, and yet, it was just as sincere. Dina separated a little, just enough to look her in the eye. Her expression had become serious.

“Just promise me one thing, Ellie: Make peace with Joel. He is almost like a father to you. You’re all he’s got left.”

Ellie watched those pleading eyes that had made her so in love.

“I promise,” she said. And silently, she also promised that, when the time was right, she would tell Dina the whole truth.

Suddenly, the front door opened with a clatter; The guitar played a few last chords and their feet touched earth again.

“Ellie?” Joel’s voice was heard, urgently.

Still in her arms, Dina looked over her shoulder.

“Here, Joel,” she said loudly.

“Dina?” Joel’s voice came muffled in their ears every time he spoke. “Is Ellie fine?”

Both looked at each other. Silly, Ellie shrugged.

“Yeah, Joel,” Dina responded with some irony. Ellie is fine.

There was a moment of silence.

“God...” Joel sighed.

Before leaving, Dina reminded her of how she should treat her wounds if she wanted to prevent them from becoming infected, borrowed the next chapter that belonged to her, _Savage Starlight: Foreign Element_ , and urging her with her eyes (“You know what you have to do”), she said goodbye to Ellie.

She watched her cross the door and go down the stairs. Only when she lost sight of Dina did she allow her knees to weaken. She had to lean against the wall so as not to lose her balance. Her lips were still tickling.

“Hi, Joel,” Dina jovial greeted from the entrance.

“Hi, Dina.” Ellie noticed that he wanted to be polite, but there was still tension in his voice. “Is Ellie really okay?”

“She has been in worse situations, I’m sure. Oh, and she told me she wanted to talk to you.” She raised her voice and shouted, “Isn’t that right, Ellie?”

The idea of running back into the forest and facing a horde of infected now didn’t seem so far-fetched. Dina didn’t wait for her to answer.

“Good evening, Joel”.

“Good evening, Dina. And thanks for talking to Ellie.”

She heard sandals moving away and then the door close with a squeak. Silence reigned again in the cabin. A truce had been agreed between them. On the occasions they discussed, they took a little time each, until they decided when they finally wanted to talk about things. It was like a show of respect to demonstrate that they were interested in fixing their problems.

Then Joel started up the stairs. As his dense steps approached, her heart beat faster. What would be his first impression when he saw her? Would he be angry? Whatever the answer, she was willing to face Joel face to face, would bury her nerves in the back of her stomach.

A shadow was projected on the door of her room, and behind it, Joel appeared, in his old green plaid shirt and worn jeans, to match his brown riding shoes. His lips, under a slightly more grizzled beard every day, showed no emotion, but as he crossed a glance with Ellie, the wrinkles on his face relaxed, just an instant before he noticed her bruise on her cheek and approached her, worried. Ellie didn’t know how to utter a word to protest, much less get away from his touch.

“Oh, baby girl.” He cradled her face with his hands. Ellie always marveled at how affectionate and protective Joel could be, for such a big and hardened man. She supposed those were some of the qualities it meant to be a father. “What happened? How did you do this? And... your knuckles are...”

Ellie took a deep breath, and told him everything. From her journey on horseback, until her discovery of scrapping. She described what the assailants planned and how she had finished them one by one. She didn’t regret it, but neither she wasn’t proud of what she had done; Joel listened carefully, in complete silence, in which he went from curiosity to uncertainty, from the most frightening panic to the purest relief.

At the last moment, Ellie decided to skip her encounter with Dina: She had to assimilate everything that had happened and confessed in that room.

Joel needed a few seconds to sort his thoughts. He seemed to fight his own emotions, the memory of his past.

“For a long time I blamed myself for Sarah’s death. It would have been very easy to surrender to this new world if she was gone.”

Ellie’s eyes threatened to sting again.

“I’m so sorry, Joel... for everything.”

“I don’t want you to make the same mistake. I’m not asking you to get over it now, nor that do you forget it, but... try to live with it and move on. You have your friends, Dina and me. You know it, right?”

“Thank you, Joel.”

“No, Ellie.” He planted a kiss on her head. “Thanks to you.”

It didn’t matter how many years passed. Joel’s arms comforted her after witnessing hell. She was safe. She was at home.

Joel took a quick look at the end of the stairs. Ellie feared his next comment. Her father raised his eyebrows, with an air of complicity.

“Hey, and... have you asked her out?”

“Joel! We are only friends.”

“Yeah, sure. “He smiled with amusement. “But you can be even more, if you take the step.”

“Joel!” In her years of living with him, she had discovered that he was very curious about what his baby girl was doing: Her first patrol, her first party… But talking about love issues with Joel wasn’t so common.

Luckily, he let it be. He stared at her for a moment with strong hands on her shoulders.

“You’re getting older,” he said wistfully. “And I very old!”

“Hey. You are still very scary. Sometimes you look mad man when you get angry.”

Joel had to take it as a compliment.

“Thanks… I think. You must be hungry What do you think if I prepare something for dinner while you setting the table?”

The suggestion made her stomach demanded attention come back.

“That sounds good, Joel.” She smiled at the collar of his shirt. She had a ravenous hunger, comparable to that of a beast. A thought suddenly sprouted in her mind, the first step, now also with her tattoo, to learn to forgive herself. “Joel.”

“Yeah?”

“I want to adopt a dog.”

Joel’s face looked a sight.

“A dog?”

“Yeah,” Ellie replied. Her eyes had a special glow. “One black. And big, like a wolf.”

**Author's Note:**

> And with this we finish the fic. Thank you so much to arrived to until here. Any doubt, questions or constructive criticism are very well received ^^
> 
> I hope I have satiated the wait a bit until the date of departure of the sequel. Let’s hold on a little longer, Neil Druckmann and his amazing team are giving everything to deliver the game as polished as possible. I cross my fingers because the plot is, at least, as good as the previous one.
> 
> Endure and survive.
> 
> We rock and read!


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